In the beginning, the attention is 100%, undiverted, undivided, and undiluted!
When you first met this guy, all you thought was he’s a dream come true. He’s everything you looked for in a man and much more. But all of a sudden, after a while, it seems as if the sweet, loving, and caring guy from the beginning have simply disappeared. He suddenly became someone else and you do not know how or why it happened. He manipulated you into thinking that he was different than he really is just to get in your pants or to get you to fall for him. But now that he has reached his goals, he has taken off his nice-guy mask and showed you his true colors. He leaned back because he knew he had to give you quality attention at the beginning and now he is certain of your love for him he feels like he doesn’t need to try anymore. He thinks he has done all the work and won you over and there’s no need for him to put effort into the relationship. He’s so sure you’re not going anywhere and you’ll love him no matter what.
You know a guy once told me that when he needs something or he wants a girl he puts all his energy into getting her even if it means neglecting his work for her because if she’s not getting all the attention she’ll feel he’s not serious about her and when he finally captures her heart he’ll relent because he knows she’s fully into him and she’s not going anywhere. In his words “na we get am, na we dey run am”
It’s either you as the lady ends the bullshit or you keep letting him drag you in an undefined relationship where you don’t know your stand. Don’t try to defend his stupid acts all because of your emotions or because you feel in the beginning he was so sweet and kind, he gave me all the attention in the world, it’s just recently he started changing o, yen yen yen… maybe he’s going through difficult times let me give him benefit of doubt. You’re just trying to compensate his actions by reaching out but you can’t compensate for so long. Don’t try to make excuses for him because, to be honest, you just can’t make excuses for men. They know what to do and if they don’t, leave it. Don’t be stupid. “Men offer you bullshit in inches, they don’t bring it to you in big sizes” (Skukipeeshaun said). He keeps treating you like bullshit back to back and you want to go back? If you keep going back you’ll never meet the right person because you’re going back to this toxic person that’s doesn’t even care anymore.
Even if he calls you back after weeks you do not have to jump right back into it. You’ll just begin to feed his ego right there and there’s no doubt he’s going to continue serving you with the same bullshit he’s been feeding you with before now. You’re the only one who keeps calling and texting! He doesn’t even call you anymore he keeps making you feel like you’re disturbing with your calls, he’ll say he’ll call you back but he won’t. Two or more weeks he hasn’t reached out and you feel you should call to say what to him. How are you? How are you what exactly????? Not like he cared to know how you’ve been doing all these while but just because you’re allowing your emotions to take over your brain. I’m sure your inner mind will be telling you don’t call! Don’t call! But you get coconut head you no dey hear word! You need to restrain yourself from doing a lot of things you’ve been used to doing with him. Treat yourself nicely if you know you deserve to be treated nicely by someone else.
This guy has seen you finish. He doesn’t know you’re still a hot chick to others. Sis Step back!!! Weren’t you bursting his head weeks ago? He did everything. He told you everything you needed to hear. He made you feel like a Queen. You know ladies are moved by what they hear but there should be consistency. You can’t keep acting like you do not understand the signs, you need to take steps back and observe, hold on, and control your emotions. You keep writing epistles only for him to reply to you with a few sentences that are not even buttressing your point. He doesn’t see the need to change, he doesn’t seem like he’s doing anything wrong. To him, everything is still normal like in the beginning. That’s their ego operating right there. If you know you’ve been in this situation once and you find yourself in it again, you need to handle it differently this time to get a different result. You need to take action. Use your head not your heart. Not even your words can change him. No epistle can! Even if you sit him down to talk he’ll just make you feel like you’re spitting nonsense and he’ll just change the topic. He won’t listen, you’re just brushing his ego. Step back and let your absence speak!
You can’t just be there every-time when he doesn’t even want you. You need to pause and let him decide if he wants to stay with you. It’s either he comes after you or he leaves. If he leaves, my dear you can’t force it and you can’t actually kill yourself because the indecisiveness can be emotionally draining so it’s better for you to know. And when he finally wants to talk he’s the one that needs to explain why he was slacking and ghosting. Let him do the talking. Talk less, you need to command respect for yourself in order for your man to respect you. He keeps offering you bullshit every time and he gets away with it so you need to work on yourself. If they want to come back it’s because they miss your absence or sometimes maybe not. The value your absence has created don’t let your presence ruin it, you have to let the effort come from their side. Take it slow, don’t open up immediately because if you do you’ll just keep giving him the opportunity to feed his pride and ego because they know you’re ready to run back into their arms. Make him crave you, make him want you. Let him be the one putting all efforts to try and keep the relationship going again. Control your emotions and hold on. The efforts cannot be one-sided again, please. I’m not saying you should not show him love, you definitely will but not almost immediately. Let them do the work, let them chase after you and show you they can put effort and if he is not Sis!!! Move on!
Even if he’s the hottest guy, you shouldn’t let him take you for granted. Life is too short to be spending it with someone who has to think twice about being with you. You’re thinking he will change in time that he just needs to set his priorities straight but what you don’t know is that time waits for absolutely nobody. Before you know it you’ll just find yourself crying over a life wasted on a man who never gave all of him. You deserve better. Even if you find the right person that relationship needs work too. It takes a lot of compromises and efforts to make things work. The harder you try, the happier you’ll become. Trying hard and becoming just enough will drain you and you’ll get to the point where you’ll not be able to keep up anymore. There’s always someone better out there.
There will always be a time when your man is going to be at a weird place in his life. Sometimes he might be dealing with something that’s too much to handle and he doesn’t want to talk. You know what? It’s his problem! And if he feels like he’s the only one to deal with them it’s only fair for him to let you go, to be honest. You can’t just give all your love and energy to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Just put you first. People don’t usually value what they got till it’s gone. If it’s real, you’ll definitely feel at peace. He’ll do everything to make you happy. He’ll never make you question if you’re enough. The energy never drops. That man is a keeper periodt!!!
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