But For The Grace of God.

But For The Grace of God.

I’m done with exams yeah and that’s why I’ve not been on my blog lately. I’m just gonna use this two weeks break to write a whole lot of stuffs. I missed writing so much. How have you guys been?

I want to thank God because today is the end of the first half of the year. I thank God for his grace upon my life because honestly this first half wasn’t the best of years. I lost, gained and experienced a lot.

At a point I felt alone, at a point my name was dragged in the mud, at a point I fought a lot of people. My peace of mind and happiness was toyed with. At a point I considered going into many outrageous things but his grace kept me.

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In this same first half devil tried to play a smart one on my academics. I experienced reading and forgetting totally in the exam hall, but still he came through for me. I just want to appreciate this God. I also got contracts on my blog.

A whole lot has happened these past months.

In this same first half I lost my relationship with my significant other.

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I’m writing this in tears…

and I’m wondering why and how I didn’t see it coming. Why he lied to me when I was nothing but real to him, played games with me when I was true to him, betrayed me when I was nothing but loyal to him.

These are questions he made me ask myself but none of the answers make sense. I started blaming love for having me blind. I started rejecting my heart because it forced me to feel. I shut down more and more each day until even the best parts of me became bitter. My love was betrayed. I began to lose trust in people and even doubted if I can trust myself, my judgements and my emotions.

It’s so difficult how I still love him yunno.

It’s so difficult to forget him;

It became so difficult still even when everything seemed better.

I couldn’t tell the difference between the person I met last year and the one that began to reveal himself to me. Sometimes I feel I should get back together with him and live happily like nothing ever happened; a fresh start; a whole different orientation; I feel I should give him the benefit of doubt but then again my guts tells me I deserve better.

I was a complete breakdown. It was never going to be the same without him. When we met I was fortunate and happy with him. Everyday was worth a lifetime until he chose to leave. He walked away far too easily for me to ever believe it was ever really love. He was gone, he left me crying; separated like our hearts were breaking.

He left saying;

If I find a true meaning to life I’ll definitely reach out and if by then it’s late I’ll take it as fate and a phase I had to pass through.

Those were his exact words.

I felt unsafe.

He let me go and avoided feelings. I got pity from everyone I know who knew how much I loved him. I missed him deeply. I told my friends how much I craved to have him next to me again. He shattered me when he left and he was very much aware. I guess I didn’t exist in his reality anymore. He continued living his life like nothing happened. He walked away without a second thought, I got into emotional debt. I blocked him and started contemplating unblocking him. I tried to give other guys a chance in my life but it wasn’t working. The connection I felt with him the first time we went out, I don’t feel with anyone else. I don’t feel safe with them.

You know once you’ve connected to somebody on another level it’s so hard to find that same vibe anywhere else. Others seem unattractive to you.

Sometimes I pray to God to bring him back if he’s for me and if not he should make me forget him and the memories we shared.

It takes a lot of courage and trust to look past what you’ve been through and trust someone not to put you through it again. It’s always earned and once lost its really hard to trust again.

After he made me realise that not everyone you treat right does right back to you. I realised that just because I’m truthful doesn’t mean I won’t get lied to. I learnt to smarten up and not let selfish people take the best part of me. I learnt not to let users upset me. I learnt to let liars go and fakers fail. Then I thank God for growth, that kind of growth that allows you see and accept things clearly. There’s a saying

Grow through what you go through.

Some people make themselves easy to cut off and it’s useless getting angry. All you need to do is thank them for saving you time.

Heart break. That’s just the way love goes sometimes but heart heals too. They learn lessons and get stronger with time. They also fall deeply, madly, infinitely in love over and over again.

Despite the ups and down. I’m still very certain of what I want. Over these past months there have been rough patches. I have a lot of things in my head to write down but to cut the long story short.

This is me reflecting back on those times.

I feel much better having written all these.

We should be celebrating a year anniversary today but oh well what will be will be!

I pray for everyone of us here that the second half of this year will be filled with ease, peace of mind, comfort and money.

I’m still your Favorite Personal Blogger 😊

If you missed my last post you can read it here

Cheers 🥂


90 thoughts on “But For The Grace of God.

  1. Beautifully written!!! Like you said, thank God for growth and I’m personally very happy you didn’t and won’t settle for less than you deserve. Some people are just not worth anything. Not even a penny!
    Love you girl!!!

  2. Awwwwwnnn baby!..this is so touching.
    This is literally the first time I’m opening your blog and I can say of a truth that you are the best.. I really like your idea of being a transparent person to your readers….
    May God bless and heal you completely and may you find the right one who would treat you right and never walk away.
    I love you tofunmi and thanks for writing!.. When next are you writing please, can’t wait!
    Love from Lilycent ☺

    1. 😭😭😭Thank you Thank you thank you Lilycent. God bless you.. Very soon dear. I love you ❤

  3. Hey baby girl, just read what you wrote hun, seriously I just feel u just write everything hurting you and am sure you really feel at ease,Am sure anyone hurting out there that reads this will definitely feel so good girl!!! I loved what u wrote, more strength to you baby girl, I love you always my BLOGGER 😋😋😋😋

    1. My love I feel at ease o honestly. This is the only way I could heal myself completely by myself. Love you forever girl ❤

  4. This is a beautiful piece. The way you put your emotions to writing exhibits your expertise. You are a strong queen. Continue flying high dear.

    1. Thank you Layo. You’ve always been a backbone honestly even if we’re not close. God bless you ❤

  5. Gurrrrrlllllll… love is a beautiful thing like they say, but they forgot to add “only when you’re with the right person” lol.
    These“niggas” aren’t worth it, not one bit.
    I’m happy you could over come whatever bad energy was radiating you.
    Cheers to more wins baby and TRUE LOVE!!

  6. Baby girl, you deserve better. This guy does not deserve you stressing over for. I’m so glad you’re at ease now.
    I have also loved and lost, but we move still💪
    I totally enjoyed reading this!
    I can’t wait for more blog posts 💜💜

  7. Tofunmi, I feel bad right now . I haven’t been a good friend. I should have been there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. Not too bad, I am here to stay now. I should say this in your DM but for those that feel the same way you feel right now, I want to tell you all something. It’s a personal experience. Between last year March and now, I have had 3 relationships. The first one, I have as someone’s side chick. It lasted for four months. The second one, I thought I had found love, I was so happy and it was so sweet until he had to travel out . That one just ended anyhow. It lasted for three months. One of the most fulfilling three months of my life. After this first two, I gave up. I said love wasn’t for me. Men are scum. I stopped going out that any guy will even see me and start telling me trash. It was the strike period. I gave my self love , take myself on dates and cook good food. I got fat , I glowed and I was happy with myself. That was when I was healing. Then, my brother’s friend came along. I never saw it coming. This guy suffered. He endured all my attitudes. He kept on giving me love, attention , everything any lady would ever want without getting anything back for three months before I said yes.
    The summary is, for every relationship that doesn’t work, it is only teaching you to understand what you want. I know you will find love again. Heal first. Let your glow blind them. It only gets better. You will look back and ask yourself what you were looking at when this guy asked you out. The next one will be better. Trust me. I love you.

    1. My love. Love is good but with the right person. God bless you for this comment. I love you girl ❤

  8. U ve got a very big heart honey
    Don’t let any guy ever toy with your feelings no more
    U ve got me and so many other people who aren’t ready to leave your side
    I love u so much Tofunmi❣️❣️
    God bless u🙏

  9. Your writing shows your heart is beautiful and that your mind is full of Bliss… You’re rich in the way you use simple words, in the right way. A side I never knew you had. Thanks for the piece every line was worth reading.

  10. Hmm, well this reminded me of the pain i went through when my heart got torn into different parts… but the good thing is i read this with joy cos the pain is gone. It’s a phase, it will definitely pass. Ignore the voice that keeps saying “where would you start from”, the annoying introduction of “my name is xyz and my hobbies are blah blah blah” when you meet new people. And just move on happily…. ❤️❤️❤️ Kisses baby. Wonderful story 🌷🌷

  11. Yunno, it’s obvious your thoughts are quite deeper than already poured here, first just get someone trustable to talk to… your mother maybe or a close sibling, just pour em out POOF.

    Ionno who your partner was but I know one truth that is obvious again, HE HAD LOST YOU, not the other way round so just be happy now and learn not to take HIS LOSS out on others.

    “Sometimes a little heartbreak is a lesson, and the best thing to do is just learn the lesson.”

    When you do, be ready to move on, you don’t know and can’t know but the one that will be there FOREVER might just be at your finger tip.

    1. Yesssss I totally agree with you. I’ll heal… it’s just a phase. thank you for your soothing words. God bless you ❤

  12. An invigorating write-up I must confess. Also-DEEP.
    Well done Pearl,
    Thank you for those quotes also, particularly these two:
    “Grow through what you go through”
    “Forget what hurt you in the past……but not what it taught you”
    Well done Omo Chief.

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